Come What May

I… have no excuse for not blogging.. I could say I have been really busy, or just too tired, but the truth is, I have been super LAZY! So let me catch you up.. Will and I have been dating for 11 days now. Seems like longer to me, kinda like we have been together for a long time. Still, I am not about to jump off the deep end and make wedding plans or anything.. I kinda just wanna see what happens. Him and I are very different, and I think that is what I like the most. He may think I am silly or immature, but deep down I think it’s what he needs in his life. Just like I need someone serious in my life to keep my feet on the ground and keep me focused. He is pushing me to get back into school, which is a really good thing. He is really supportive of me and everything I want to do in my life, which is something new for me.. So I guess we will see how this goes 🙂

Later ❤

Crashed

   First of all, let me apologize for waiting so long to blog. I have been super busy and stressed out, and I really haven’t felt like blogging in a while. BUT! I am making a few mixed cd’s for my mom’s car (which I am currently using), so that I don’t have to listen to the lame few cd’s I have. So I have decided to catch you up on what is going on in my life right now.

   Let me begin with my cancer scare. A few months ago, I found a lump in my left breast. it didn’t bother me until I noticed it had started growing. Well I finally got it checked out a few days ago and, as it turns out, it isn’t cancer. It is a fibrous mass of dense tissue that they are going to remove October 15th. I am really relieved that it isn’t cancer, but I dunno how hot I feel about being put under and having them root around in my boobie for a golf ball sized mass… But hey, it could have been worse, so I am happy. I think I will be even happier when my boobs are the same size again.

   Remus has gotten much bigger. He has had his shots and his first booster.. Little Monster isn’t so little anymore. He weighs 21.8 pounds. and comes up to about my knees now. He is learning, slowly but surely. I think his biggest problem is actually listening to the commands I give him. I know he knows them, because he listens some of the time, but he doesn’t listen all the time. He bit my face today.. Yea.. You can imagine how well that went over with me. I beat his little ass til he squealed. I will NOT have a dog that thinks it’s okay to bite people. Other than that, his training is going well, and he is doing better with the obedience part. He will make an excellent dog, and a good service dog.

   Oh! Remus isn’t the only man in my life now. I had a friend a couple years ago that, due to a lot of drama llama, I stopped talking to for a while. Well, when Katie and I became friends again, him and I started talking again and old feelings came back. Turns out he likes me just as much as I like him. I’m just not gonna put all my eggs in one basket and count my chickens before they hatch. I really like him, and I am pretty sure we are gonna end up together, but I am not going to count on it. I see him all the time though.. I spend the night with him a lot and stuff… I don’t know.. Just weirds me out I guess. I mean, I think I am ready for a new chapter in my life, but I dunno if this chapter is gonna be a good thing or a bad thing.. And I don’t know if I am ready to be in a serious relationship or not yet. I know that it doesn’t have to be a serious relationship, but I also know that that is what it’s going to turn into. Him and I are so different… But maybe that’s what makes us compatible. They say that opposites do attract after all. I think I am over thinking this, and I just need to be chill, like I always am.

   On the other side of the coin, most of my friends and I are talking now. I mean, they aren’t exactly the people I wanted to be around, but I still love them just the same as I do my girls. It’s all so different from last year.. Not that I am complaining about it, cuz I most certainly am not! I have made new friends, and I’m catching up with some old ones. I’ve lost some, though, too, but I guess that is all part of growing up.

   Me and my family are getting along really well. There is no more fighting between me and my youngest sister, and I have really stopped caring what the other one does. My parents are being super supportive with the surgery and everything. I think they have finally started to realize that I am an adult, even though I am kinda failing that right now. However, I know that I will be able to conquer! 😀 Anyway, I have some errands to run, so I am gonna skeedaddle. Ta!

Glitter in the Air

First off, let me apologize for not blogging for a while, I have been super busy with work and stuff. School has started back up, so all my friends (except Tabby) are all back. But funnily enough, it’s almost like it’s still summer… I don’t see or hear from any of them, so I am just as lonely as I was before. I know that I am complaining, and I know I shouldn’t, but to all of you who say I have a lot of friends who love me and wanna be around me all the time, you are dead wrong. I sit here, the clock reads 12:37, I have a glass of Polar Blast Hawaiian Punch and a microwave dinner, and I am all by myself. I had a couple people wanna spend time with me, but I don’t wanna hang out with guys right now.. I need my girls, and they are nowhere to be found. You know what is even worse? I want to text them to see who is up, but I am too damn scared that I won’t get an answer. “But Britt, it is past midnight, and tomorrow is a school day. You are being irrational.” Yea.. I know. I know I am being stupid, but is it really all that dumb to want company? All my roommates are asleep, my dog doesn’t talk, and (much as I don’t like to admit it) female companionship sounds really great right now.. I am trying to pull it together and stop complaining, so I apologize. You know what? Actually, I don’t. I do not have to apologize for missing my girlfriends. I MISS DEM SOOO MURRCCCHHHHH!!! yea..

Now that that is out of my system, I am doing really well on my path to self restoration. I actually took a compliment without being a Negative Nancy today! Someone called me sweet, and I said thank you without batting an eyelash! I didn’t redirect the conversation, and I didn’t tell him he was wrong. I am so proud of myself! I also woke up and told myself I was beautiful this morning. AND… I am beginning to let go of my past 🙂 What they said then, doesn’t change who I am now. And I am not going to let them hold anything over me, or affect me in any negative way. If they wanna call me names, and tell me that I am worthless, they can do it. It doesn’t mean they’re right. Besides, I am worth something. I am worth a lot to some people, and the world to others. There are people in this world who love me very much, and it isn’t fair to them. That is why I am trying to change. I don’t want the people who love me to have to watch me suffer at the hands of others, especially since I can do something about it! So I will fight this. The feelings of worthlessness, the hurtful words of others, the depression, and the self hate.

This brings me to something else too.. Last night I talked to someone I have recently become friends with. He has been having a lot of trouble with his life recently and I was trying my best to help him push through it. Today I got a message from him saying thank you. I didn’t understand why he was thanking me until he explained it.  Sometimes, Life is like the sky. You will have those days where the rain never seems to quit until you see a little ray of sunshine, and then you remember that everything will be ok. I was that little ray of sunshine. I broke through the clouds and the storm and I gave him hope for the future. It really made my night, knowing I had helped him, and I hope that I can continue to bring people hope and laughter.

One last thing before I sign off for the night… Voldy and are talking tonight, and I am finally going to get some closure. I think this is the last big piece to the puzzle, and after this I can finally sleep peacefully at night, knowing I did the right thing. So, now that I have thrown all of that out there, I want you all to know that I love you guys. I want each and every one of you to go to sleep, or continue your day, or whatever, to feel important. Because you are important to me, and I am grateful for each and every one of you. Goodnight, and stay beautiful… ❤

A New Beginning

   So lately I have been working on a brighter future, like pulling myself and my life together. I have repaired a few aspects and am currently working on a few more. Me and Katie are friends again. I know you guys don’t know that story, but that’s ok. I am feeling way too lazy to type all that nonsense out. And because Katie and I are friends, so are Faith and I. So I have fixed some serious friendship issues in my life. Remus is pretty happy with this because Katie has an 8 month old lab mix that he likes to play with. Plus, it’s just really nice to have her back. 🙂 The only thing I really have to worry about now is getting my debts paid off and getting my happy ass back in school, but that won’t happen until the Spring semester.

   Now that that little rant is over, let me go into detail and straighten everything out for you guys.

   When I was  freshman in college, I had a friend named Katie Prober. We actually lived together over that summer, and we got really close. When we came back to school. a lot of stupid shit went down (mostly my fault) and her and I stopped speaking. Well, the other day we met up to talk and everything is much better. We made up and are as close as ever 🙂 And because her and I are friends again, I automatically get back all my other friends that I lost because of all of that nonsense.

   I have been working really hard on repairing my life, and the only thing I have left to do to fix just about everything is to pay off my credit card, and pay off the remaining college debt on my account, which I will be able to do shortly, and get a vehicle. After that, I feel like I will be good to go.

   I know I have a lot left to do as far as fixing myself emotionally, but that kind of healing takes time and patience. I am prepared to deal with that, and I am working everyday to be a better person than I am today.

   I am also excited to say that all my friends are moving back to Murray tomorrow, and I am super excited to be able to see and hang out with all of them again. I love all my friends dearly and wish I could spend all my time with them. Remus is also turning 9 weeks old tomorrow! I am so happy I have my ray of sunshine in my life.

   POSITIVITY!!!!!! Anyway, I am going to head to bed before I explode with happy thoughts. Goodnight guys!

Why do we always sacrifice the Beautiful Ones?

   So, I have a confession to make.. I haven’t been doing so hot lately. I keep torturing myself over things that I have no control over, and things that I shouldn’t. Lately, I have missed him.. I was doing so fucking well! DAMN IT! I just.. I got played like a harp, and just when I was over it, he came back into my life, wanting to talk about what happened, wanting us to be close again. I guess I thought that he was serious about it this time, that he really wanted our friendship and for us to be close like we used to be when Jake and I broke up. I was very wrong.. I know he won’t ever see it, but I have to get this off my chest. This is my message to him.

   Dear He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named,

You have officially ruined everything. I was doing so well without you before you texted me, and the fact that you never even bothered to reply to me when I messaged you about talking everything out proves how little you really cared. I left the man I loved for you, because you said I was better off. I actually listened to all the lies that poured from your mouth. I drank those sweet words in like spring water. What’s even worse? That now, even though I know you don’t give a shit, even though I know you laugh at me and everything I ever said to you behind my back with your “friends”, I am still crying as I type this. I am crying at my idiocy, and I am crying for you. I cry for you, because no one ever did, because no one ever cared enough to help you fix yourself before your heart hardened to stone. I cry for you, because like the man I named you for here, you will never know what love really is. You are cold, cruel, and heartless. You deserve what you have and more. And I hope one day, someone plays you like you played me. I hope someone takes your heart in their hands and crushes it, like you have done with so many others.

   We were friends and lovers, but the past is behind me, and I am trying to heal and move on. I think it’s time I said goodbye to you and all the bullshit you bring with you. I am finished. I feel really bad for the next girl you trick into loving you, and I hope one day she realizes she can do so much better than you. Just like I have realized I can do better. I hope you have a wonderful life.

       Sincerely,

                       Brittany Lynn

The plans, Igor!

   So, as most of you know, I am turning 21 soon. My birthday is October 26th (which conveniently falls on a Saturday this year), and I have already begun planning my party, which I WILL be having, come hell or high water. The theme will be Modern Masquerade. The requirements will include a fancy mask (make-up masks are acceptable) and dress robes. I myself am saving for a new dress for my birthday (I will upload a picture when I find it). I am extremely excited, and will be hoping things go as planned. Me and a close knit group of friends are going to dinner, and then we will get ready and arrive at the party in high style! I don’t think I have ever been this excited for a party before in my life.. Well, I am going to go look for that dress now 🙂 Ta!

Picture Perfect Memories

Well, today I am going to talk about friendships. We all have one or two friends we couldn’t live without, a whole bushel that are fun (but don’t really know us that well), and then we have those people we like to call “fair weather friends”. I know I have friends that fit into each of those categories. I also have friends that I used to be really close to, but now not so much. I mean, we are still friends, just not good friends anymore.

My bestest friend in the whole world is Tabetha Johnson. We know her as Tabby, and saying Tabetha is just darn weird.. But yea, she is like my sister, and I am pretty sure I am her bestest friend too. She went home today… I won’t see her again until October, just after my birthday. I think out of everyone, she knows me best, probably better than even my mother (but don’t tell Matem that). I am really going to miss getting into shenanigans with her… I mean, yea we piss each other off, but we are still so close.. I am afraid that her moving home will come between us and our friendship. Or maybe I am just worried that her boyfriend is coming between us. See, her and I made a pinky promise when we started talking to our (now my ex) boyfriends, that neither of them (or any dude) would ever come between us, and I am afraid now that she has met “Mister Perfect” that I will be put onto the back burner, and eventually lose her. Plus, I am just a jealous person and want her all to myself. However, despite everything, she is still my friend soulmate, and I really hope that it won’t change just because she is a couple hours away.

Maybe this will give me and other friends a chance to get closer than we already are! 🙂 I mean, I am not looking to ever replace Tabby (as if that were even possible), but I think it’d be nice to have some other good friends too. It also gives me the courage to cut a few people totally out of my life, like Voldy. You remember Voldemort? Yea… He is one of those people I used to be close to that I am not anymore, and I think it’s time to let him go. Sidenote: I wonder if it would have been possible to break up with him in the series and live through it. Common sense says no, not without a couple Unforgivable curses thrown in. (And I thought my break-ups were bad) 😀 Anyway, I feel like it is time to turn him loose. He has taken advantage of me for far too long, and I think it is time I step up and take a stand for myself. I do not need him in my life, no matter how much it’d be nice to have him in my life. But hey, maybe he will learn something from this.. I mean, we aren’t all at his royal highness’ beck and call, maybe now he will realize that and change. (though that has about as much chance of happening as King Henry the 8th did of changing).

Well, I guess that’s all for now. I need to go collect my thoughts and maybe watch some more of The Tudors on Netflix. Ta!

That Awkward Moment When…..

Ok guys, I have a problem.. So… There is this guy, well to be honest, there are 3 of them.. One of them is an ex, one of them is a potential, and the third is me getting my hopes up way too high. I guess I should probably start with the ex-boyfriend, whom we will call George. George and I met online, and immediately hit it off. We talked for a couple months and then started dating, two weeks later, shit went down, and I decided it was best for the both of us if we stopped seeing each other. I still like him, but I know he has to get his shit together before he will be ready for a relationship, and I am pretty sure that will take months, if not years. Also, he thinks he knows what I am thinking all the time, which weirds me out a little. I mean, I get that he likes the psychological part of human life, but I am most definitely NOT like other people, and I don’t like when others try to read me. I am not a book. I really like him, but I guess it was just the wrong time.

The second guy is someone I met through a group of friends, whom we will call Ron. The only thing I will ever really have with him is a really good friends with benefits relationship. And I guess that can be ok. I will probably enjoy the companionship, especially without the commitment. After my one serious relationship, I am in no hurry to rush into anything. And who knows, maybe we are both wrong, and it’ll turn into something else, but I highly doubt it.

And the third guy I met in biology class, we will call him… Uhm…. James! Yea, so he is really fun to talk to, and I kinda like him.. Not much more to tell really…

I lied, there are 4.. The last we will call Tom, as in Tom Riddle. Voldemort, as it were. (And yes, I have named all these boys after Harry Potter characters, I do that a lot.) “Neither can live while the other survives.” I guess that is kinda how him and I have worked all these years. It’s a give take thing; I give, he takes. He comes into my life, destroys everything, leaves, and then does it all over again when I finally have my shit together again. I have to admit, it’s kinda my fault too, but I am not the one waving the white flag of friendship all the time. He says he cares, and most of the time, I believe him.. But not this time. I know he is lying to me. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me again, shame on me. I am done being broken, and I am done being naive. If I have to say goodbye, so be it, but I will NOT be played as a simple little chit.

Now that I have ranted that out, I must confess I am freaking out because he is texting me, and I don’t have the willpower to ignore it. Kinda like the imperious curse, he can make me do all kinds of stupid shit. I HATE him, but more importantly, I hate that I am such a sucker when it comes to us and our friendship. Maybe that’s why he is Voldemort.. But wouldn’t that make me Bellatrix? I mean, I practically lick his boots with a flick of his hand. He has a way with words that makes him dangerous, like the vipers in the deserts of Africa. Cleo and the viper… For those of you laughing at my historical reference there, kudos to you, you are awesome. For the rest of you, study Egyptian history, you’ll get it eventually. Anyway, I have gotta stop before I freak for real. Peace! ❤

PUUUUPPPPPYYYYYY!!!!!!!!

   So I realize I post a lot of stuff about my dog, but alas, I cannot help it. This probably will not be the last one, but I feel like this is imperative to my life. I went to pay the pet deposit, and was told I am not allowed to have pit bulls here because they are a “vicious” breed. As you all know, there is nothing vicious about these dogs. So what I am going to do, since he really doesn’t look like a pit bull, is say that he is mixed. A mutt, if you will. Which isn’t intirely untrue, seeing as how he has no papers, which all pure bred dogs are required to have for vet purposes. I never met his father, so I don’t know that he is a pure pit bull. He doesn’t look it, and usually, pit bulls have a specific look, even when they are puppies.

   Anyway, he goes to see the landlady on Monday, and she will decide if he looks too much like a pit. Hopefully she will let him stay here with me 🙂 Honestly, I don’t see why she wouldn’t, as long as he is on his best behavior and wins her heart with his puppy charms, like he has done with everyone else he has met.